21 August 2008

It's impossible to be mates with celebrities.

If only I knew some

I'm tempted to say I wholeheartedly agree with this alluring new heuristic, from Sathnan Sangera of the Times, except I don't know any celebrities, so how would I know?

It would probably be truer for me to say that I adhere to the smugly self satisfying belief that people who believe in the importance of celebrity are intellectually impoverished fashion victims. If I knew any celebrities who thought their celebrity was important to our relationship other than as an irritant, then I would find it hard to be their mate. And for the very reason that Mr Sangera speculates: they would be over sensitive to having the piss taken out of them for having feet of clay.

But what of his other suggested life lessons:

Never brush your teeth if you're dressed in black.
Don't trust a man whose eyebrows meet in the middle.
Always put the shower curtain inside the bath.

Only the last one of these holds water for me. I obviously don't get out much, because I also don't know any blokes whose eyebrows meet in the middle, so I don't know about that one. And as for brushing when dressed in black, I'd be more inclined to suggest that this applies to one's hair than one's teeth, but that's probably more information than anyone really needs to know.

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